Dear Family and Friends,

In 1841, Ralph Waldo Emerson published this well-known quote in his essay Friendship:

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

He elaborated, “You shall not come nearer a man by getting into his house. If unlike, his soul only flees the faster from you, and you shall never catch a true glance of his eye.”

What are the attributes of a true friend?

There are many. I would like to spend our time on one of the most challenging attributes of being a true friend.

Being candid and truthful in love.

“Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”  Proverbs 27:5-6 NKJV

“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”  Proverbs 29:5 NKJV

What are wounds of a friend?

It’s a metaphor for a friend who will tell what may be painful to hear – yet needs to be heard.

Why is it so hard to tell someone what’s painful yet true?

The answer can be found in the second clause of verse five – love carefully concealed.

In those sensitive situations – when we see a friend’s blind spot and don’t know what to do – our default is to think we are loving by hiding the truth.

We tell ourselves, ‘Oh I love my friend too much to confront – – to tell him or her the truth.’

We are carefully concealing our love for the person.

But if we look deeply inside, we may actually find that the reason for hiding the truth – is ourselves.

It’s our wanting to avoid the pain of delivering such a message.

We want to avoid the risk of breaking a friend or the friendship.

But, carefully concealing our love does have its consequences.

Proverbs 29:5 says flattering our neighbors is like spreading nets for his feet.

Hiding the truth leaves a friend puffed up, blind to their weaknesses, and vulnerable to trouble.

It’s as if we put their feet in a trap.

Hiding the truth from a friend could lead him or her towards poor decisions based on a false understanding of themselves or their situation.

Lastly, concealing our love is deceitful – like the kisses of an enemy. Judas betrayed Jesus with such a kiss.

Friendship takes more than being nice. Yes, we need to be caring and loving.

But we should also be candid with the truth.

This, my friends, is true friendship love.

There is a second challenging aspect of being a friend.

Graciously receiving the truth from a friend is perhaps even harder than telling the truth.

We shall continue that thought next time.

Meanwhile let me close by honoring Pope Francis; sharing his words that succinctly summarizes this message.

“Friendship is a generous, self-giving love, which leads us to seek the true good of our friend.”
Pope Francis

In love always,