Dear Family and Friends,

As one who’s been trying to do this for awhile, I consider myself qualified to attest to this truth:

Living life following Jesus is not easy.

Yes, following Jesus gives us a wonderful life. But let’s not forget that following Him requires that we deny ourselves and take up our cross daily. (See Luke 9:23)

It takes time and sacrifice to replace all the bad traits of the world with the ways of Jesus.

Ways like His great commandments.

“Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”  ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22‬:‭37‬-‭39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Let’s spend our time today focused on the part that says: Love our neighbors – – as ourselves.

Have you ever wondered if this commandment applies to those who don’t love themselves?

I doubt Jesus meant we get to love our neighbors less if we love ourselves less.

Have you ever wondered if a lack of self love could be the reason why we struggle with loving others?

What I’m trying to say is that it’s hard to love others when we don’t have a healthy love for ourselves.

So, how can we tell if we’re struggling with loving ourselves?

Here are a few traits to watch for.

1. Do you seek validation from others?

Do you find yourself seeking the approval of others?

I have a friend who constantly shares his accomplishments. At first I thought his boasting came from pride.

I suspect instead that his boasting is his way of drawing comments and praises to fuel his self-worth.

If you find your emotions swinging from joy to disappointment depending on whether others praise you or not, this may be a sign that you’re secretly battling with self-love issues.

2. Do you find yourself always putting yourself down?

Are you your worst critic? Do you struggle with accepting success and instead pick out all your flaws?

Are you unable to forget past mistakes? Do you compare yourself with others – and always come up short?

We all have an inner critic. But left uncontrolled, our inner critic can lead to an inability to truly love ourselves.

3. Do you struggle with expressing your feelings?

One of our former church members had a way of greeting friends by asking – how are you doing? Followed by looking the person straight in the eyes and asking again – no seriously, How Are You Doing?

He sincerely wanted to know if we were doing okay or not, because he cared. It was a beautiful act of love.

If you struggle with discussing your true feelings because you fear being vulnerable or worse, being rejected, you could be struggling to love yourself.

4. Do you find yourself neglecting your own needs?

Do you prioritize the needs of others before your own?

I suspect my own insecurity as a pastor led to my burnout. My selflessness and dedication to our church family was masking this feeling of not being good enough.

And as most of you know, my ability to love others came to a complete stop – – until I recovered.

Let’s never forget why flight attendants tell us to put on our own masks before helping a child with theirs.

So, what are we to do if we find ourselves struggling with self-love?

I could point to countless scriptures about God’s love for us. There are many. We know God loves us.

Yet we struggle with loving ourselves. Because of this, let me share this instead:

Jesus not only loves us, He wants to restore us. He knows that we became who we are due to the brokenness of the world.

And He knows that our restoration is the first step to obeying Him.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”  ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So, do you see yourself in the examples above? Are you wondering where to begin?

Have you noticed that most who were healed by Jesus approached Him first? They knew they were in need of healing before they sought Jesus.

You may have just taken the step that they took.

They next asked Jesus to help them. And then trusted that He would.

These are the next steps for us as well.

Everyone’s journey to who we are is complex, too much to deal with in an email.

If you wish to talk more about this, please know you can always contact me.

In love always,