Dear Family and Friends,

We just returned from visiting our grandchildren in California. Our one year old granddaughter is so cute and affectionate, and has Papa wrapped around her little pinky.

And our six year old grandson is so loving and adorable. His nanny took him to the park one day and sent this short text to our daughter.

“Hi Jenn. Today at the playground
there was a 2-year old boy with
noticeable disabilities. Luke asked
me if he could play with him and then
spent most of the time there making
him laugh and trying to make his
day better. He even asked the child’s
mother what he liked. It was very
heartwarming and his mother
asked me to congratulate you.”

“So congratulations ❤️❤️❤️”

Grandchildren are so precious.

Childhood is such a wonderful time of life, especially since we are ‘blind’ to the imperfections of humans. No preconceptions nor biases. Everyone is either a friend or a future one.

Can you remember being young, when you too were open towards everyone? We didn’t see other children, or grownups for that matter, through the lens we look through today.

Don’t we wish our young ones never have to face what we faced and grow up to be like we are?

But unfortunately we live in a broken world where people hurt each other all the time – sometimes intentionally, other times not.

And unfortunately, these hurts will, at times, not heal well and leave us with emotional scar tissue, ugly scabs that remind us of our pain-filled moments.

Today, let’s talk about a subject most can relate to. The hurts we receive from the church, and the scar tissues that result.

The definition of church used here is the Biblical definition – ekklesia or a called assembly.

The church is not a place or an organization. The church is the believers and followers who make up the body of Christ. The church also refers to the local assembly of believers.

We can be hurt by just about anyone in church. It’s not limited to fellow members. We can be hurt by the actions or words of pastors or leaders as well. Steve Jobs left the church of his youth because of something his pastor said. 

I think it’s safe to say, if you’ve been around church for any length of time, you have been hurt by the church. I have – multiple times – and those I know well have shared the same.

And this I speak from experience, when we are hurt by the church, it affects us deeply. Church hurt is often times more upsetting and lasts longer than the hurt received from other sources – marital, workplace, friends, included.

What makes a church hurt more devastating than others?

We expect more from “Christians.” We don’t expect to ever get hurt by the church.

On the contrary, we have high expectations of the church. That first and foremost, a church body should be loving and accepting.

What Mahatma Gandhi said can be so true, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

And when we are let down, that ugly emotional scar tissue begins to form. This scar tissue has a name in the Bible. It’s called a hardened heart.

Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary says this about a hardened heart.

“The heart represents the total response of a person to life around him or her and to the religious and moral demands of God. Hardness of heart thus describes a negative condition in which the person ignores, spurns, or rejects the gracious offer of God to be a part of his or her life.”

How can we tell if our hearts are hardening? What are the symptoms to look for?

We display bitterness or resentment towards others.

Or we react as we think Christians should. Rather than showing our resentment, we rely on avoidance. We avoid the person, or turn away from the church.

And when we can no longer hold it in, we let it all out on God, distancing ourselves from God and anything to do with Him.

We become indifferent towards God, the church, the Bible, and our former fellow Christians.

Our joy is replaced by apathy.

Pride often lies deep beneath a hardened heart; it’s a form of self-protection. But left unchecked, pride leads us to trust ourselves more than God. We begin to revert back to our old ways, refusing His wisdom or the correction of others.

All these are signs of a hardened heart.

So what are we to do when we are hurt by the church? How do we heal our wounded hearts?

The first step is to search our hearts for these symptoms above. Ask ourselves the tough question, is my heart hardening? Ask God for His opinion as well. Recognizing that we have a problem is always a good place to start.

And then say a simple powerful prayer – ask the Holy Spirit to assist you in healing your heart.

The next step is to forgive the perpetrator in your heart. Before you start talking back to this email or stop reading in protest, please hear me out.

We will not spend our time today talking about forgiveness, a topic we are all familiar with.

Let me instead share this one point about forgiving others.

The only person who’s suffering from the hurt, is you. It’s best to forgive – which means give it to God – so you can move on.

The third step is to closely examine this passage from Paul’s letter to his young ‘son’ Timothy.

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” ‭‭ 2 Timothy‬ ‭3:1-5‬ ESV

Because these traits are so outrageous, most of us initially think Paul is referring to non-believers outside the church. Not so.

Paul is warning Timothy about people inside the church. Those who profess to have faith, who want to be ‘seen’ as good, spiritual, righteous people, but do not have a true and truthful relationship with Jesus. Their decisions and deeds, not their mouths, show what’s truly in their hearts.

“Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good.” ‭‭ Titus 1:16 NLT

If you have been hurt by someone with these traits, Paul’s advice cannot be clearer – Avoid such people.

Paul tells us the ‘why’ in 1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV, “Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character.” Spending time with such people will wear down even the most faithful of followers. 

And it’s worth remembering to keep our guard up.

The final step for us today is this:

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:22-23‬ ESV

Paul is telling us to keep pursuing God, to not walk away but towards Him. To keep obeying His commands and wishes.

To seek other followers whose traits and ways show their hearts are indeed pure. And walk with them. 

In love always,