Dear Family and Friends,

We open today’s message with a few lines from an essay published a year ago in Allure magazine.

“Turning 30 feels like a cold reminder that I’m running out of time to matter in society’s eyes.”

“Too often, I noticed that the only people impressed by an accomplishment were those who wanted it for themselves. Meanwhile, I was rewarded with a lonely craving for the next award.”

“Far too many of us allow ourselves to be measured by a standard that some sternly refuse to challenge and others simply acquiesce to because fitting in and going with the flow is easier than rowing against the current.”

“I can’t tell you how many times I have deleted comments on my social media pages that had vomit emojis and insults telling me I wasn’t pretty enough.”

These are the words of Cheslie Kryst, an attorney, Emmy Award nominee, and Miss USA 2019. A week ago, at the age of 30, she took her life. Her family disclosed she was dealing with depression. Her words above hint as to why.

I struggled with God this week, not wanting to share her sad story.

But I acquiesced for this one reason: to honor her by shining a light on this quest that she and the rest of us have all undertaken at some point in our lives: looking for love – – in all the wrong places.

The love I refer to is not romantic love, but the ‘love’ that’s received when we measure up to or exceed expectations – ours, our peers, and our society’s.

We may not have known Cheslie but we all know someone just like her. Given the toxic world we live in, I’m convinced Cheslie was not alone in the search for love.

Perhaps it’s you, the one you see each day in the mirror. (I was in that mirror for most of my years.) Or maybe it’s a close friend, a son or daughter or even a grandchild.

So, what are we to do? Where do we look to find true love, love that does not tire and eventually reject us? As with all other aspects of life, the answer can be found in God’s word. We begin in Paul’s letter to the church in Rome.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ESV

Paul starts with an appeal. That we respond to God’s mercy and all that He provides us, by offering Him our lives as a form of living, breathing sacrifice.

And then he tells us to not conform to this world.

In general, there are two ways people conform to this world. Some actively pursue the world and its ways. They find the world’s ways so attractive and enchanting that they cannot help but wish for and pursue what they see.

Others, which I would say are the majority of us who follow Christ, are passive conformists. As Ms. Kryst puts it, we fit in and go with the flow.

While we may not chase the ways of the world, neither do we block the world from influencing us. Our lack of discernment allows the world to freely influence us. The changes are so slow yet relentless that we miss the changes in us.

So, what are these silent influencers? And what can we do about them?

Three common ways in which our world influences us are: media (television, movies, web-based), education and friendships.

Media

If someone started promoting a new diet that guaranteed improved health, and all you had to do was eat at least three cans of Spam a day, would you rush to the store to stock up? Likely not – I hope.

Have you noticed that we do a better job discerning what we put into our mouths than what we allow our eyes to watch and our ears to listen to?

The values underlying what we watch or listen to can conform us to the world.

The world’s value system sensationalizes possessions – money, sensuality, talent and power. And if we’re not careful, we slowly lose sight of what we have in Christ and begin to crave what others have.

Jesus said it this way. “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” Matthew‬ ‭6:22-23‬ NLT

I’m not saying we have to be monks. Let’s just be as careful and discerning of what we watch and listen to, as we are with a can of Spam. A little moderation and a lot of discernment will go a long way.

Education

We all know there’s a tremendous amount of fiction posing as facts on the web. There are no means to monitor the factuality of what’s posted on websites. No penalties or disincentives to stop the practice.

Can I share that it’s almost as easy to self-publish a book? And that no one will question the factuality of its contents.

If you or someone you love seeks help from websites or books, be discerning and remember that, “the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭1:25‬ ESV

Friendships

I realize many of us who follow Christ maintain close relationships with unbelievers, hanging on to the hope that we can change them.

If this is you or someone you love, be aware of who is changing whom. And if you find yourself being changed into an unbeliever’s likeness, “Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭15:33‬ ESV

Paul completes his appeal by writing, “but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ESV

Paul is telling us to stop living like everyone else, to abandon the chase for the adoration of others.

We do this by allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us from the inside out, to change how we think, to renew our minds so we can begin to understand God’s will for our lives.

What is God’s will for us?

That we never ever forget that He loves us. That we realize there is nothing we did nor can do to earn or lose His love. Nothing!

And that being loved by God is all that really matters.

In closing, let’s keep the following passage close to our hearts. Read this every day. Perhaps consider using this as a screen saver and make this the first and best thing we read every single day.  

“I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ NLT

In love always,