Dear Family and Friends,

Have you experienced a hurt-filled encounter that caused a relationship to break? I suspect we all have. Perhaps it was with a family member or maybe an old friend. Words were said that can never be erased. Things done that can never be undone. Regardless of the reason or the person(s) involved, it was a life changing event.

Why life changing? Because the hurt can change the trajectory of our lives. A hurt-filled encounter with a friend or family member is usually ‘solved’ by not seeing each other. We try to convince ourselves that life is fine without them. Chance meetings are awkward. We smile as best we can, then look to escape.

Those who know my story have heard me share one such encounter. It was at a church where I served as the preschool’s chairperson. An argument broke out between the church preschool and the church’s board. The fight was over money. It took two meetings to resolve the conflict. But the damage was done. Words were said that hurt too deeply. I walked away feeling Christians were such hypocrites.

Gandhi once said, “I believe in the teachings of Christ, but you on the other side of the world do not, I read the Bible faithfully and see little in Christendom that those who profess faith pretend to see.”

I wholeheartedly agreed. We left the church of our baptism soon thereafter.

I clearly remember telling Aileen after we left, “I will never ever get involved in church again. Kick me if I even think about doing that.”

You probably figured out by now that I got involved in church again. No, Aileen did not kick me.

I instead learned some valuable lessons that helped me process my hurt.

To my surprise, the lessons were not about what others had done wrong. Nor were they about how to go about fixing them.

Actually, the lessons had to do with myself, my thoughts, my beliefs.

Today’s short verse (another pocket keeper) pretty much sums up what I learned about healing past hurts.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 NIV

Do Not Judge

The scripture suggests a very good motivator to avoid being judged – stop judging others.

But is that a good enough reason to stop us from judging others? For most of us, I would guess not.

Do you notice that we judge others all the time for just about everything? And it’s not just us. Have you noticed that judging others has become the norm in our country?

Jesus taught us another way to stop judging. But before we go there, let’s look more closely at why we judge.

In a previous message we talked of how we get angry when our will is obstructed, when our expectations are not met. We all have a tendency to set expectations for others and measure them against those expectations – from our perspective. We expect others to do as we would, or to see things the way we see them. When they fall short, we get angry.

Did you know that this kind of anger, even if it’s small enough to be called an upset, can turn into judgment if left unresolved? It’s a natural reaction of our fallen state.

Can we be honest, when others don’t do as we think they should, don’t we cringe a little? The reason why we judge is not because of what others did or didn’t do.

It’s because of us.

May I repeat what I said earlier – Do you notice that we judge others all the time for just about everything? In case you missed it, this passage and this message applies to everyday life, not just relational or church hurts.

Let’s now go back to what Jesus taught about how to stop judging others. He said in Matthew 22:39-40 NIV to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  He then added, “All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The truth is ‘Do not judge’ is another way of saying ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

The brutal truth for us today is this: when we judge anyone – including those who fail to meet our expectations – we have no love for that neighbor.

Going back to our hurt-filled encounter, if we had stopped to see the situation from their perspective, and recognize that all, ourselves included, fall short of the glory of God, perhaps the story would have been different.

Maybe a little bit of empathy might have helped. It’s hard to judge someone sitting next to you. It’s even harder to judge someone you love.

This was a tough lesson for me. How about for you?

Do Not Condemn

When we allow judgment to sit unresolved, we slide down to the next step – condemnation.

In my church encounter, I not only judged those who hurt me, I condemned the whole Church. This condemnation led me to refrain from getting involved at our new church, New Hope Oahu aka servant central. I just didn’t want to serve nor associate with Christians.

If we examined why we condemn, we will most likely find that it stems from a prideful heart. Proverbs 13:10 NIV says this, “Where there is strife, there is pride.”

So, how do we stop ourselves from condemning others, especially if it stems from a prideful heart?

A lot of people say – the way to overcome pride is to be humble or think of ourselves less. Yes, that could help but maybe we could also follow what Jesus commanded earlier – to love our neighbor just as much as we love ourselves.

Perhaps if we focused on others, we would spend less time focused on ourselves. If we loved others more, we would be less self-centered.

Finally, would you agree that it’s impossible to condemn someone you truly love?

Forgive

Friends, as mature Christ followers we already know the blessings that come from forgiving others. There is not much to add except for this one thought.

Let’s not forget to also forgive ourselves. In whatever we are dealing with, whether it be a church hurt or a broken relationship, let’s be kind to ourselves.

If you’re feeling a little convicted, it’s not only okay, it’s good. It’s a good kind of pain. Sometimes the best cure for pride is suffering.

Jesus loves us, shortcomings and all. His love is unconditional. Our love for ourselves should be unconditional as well.
 
In closing, let’s be encouraged to make this world a better place today than it was yesterday, by keeping our hearts pure and free, and by loving others as Jesus did.

In love always,