Dear Family and Friends,

Has anyone ever yelled at you? Not counting spouses (because that’s a totally different subject), I suspect many of us would say yes, but infrequently.

These excerpts from a recent Star Advertiser article tell a frightening story.

“The Hawaii lieutenant governor watched in horror as protesters showed up outside his condo, yelled at him through bullhorns and beamed strobe lights into the building to harass him over vaccine requirements.”

“Across the country, anti-vaccine and anti-mask demonstrations are taking scary and violent turns, and educators, medical professionals and public figures have been stunned at the level at which they have been vilified for even stating their opinion. And they have been terrified over how far protesters will go in confronting leaders outside their homes and in their workplaces.”

The unfortunate truth is people are angry. The chances of a conversation turning into a confrontation are just as high today as getting COVID.

We now have two pandemics going at the same time. One is a raging virus and the other is just plain rage. So today I thought it best that we prepare ourselves – just in case…

We recently attended the celebration of life for a dear friend, former colleague, and Christ follower who like myself became a reverend late in life. Arnold was our team’s sales executive and he was good at it.

I watched in awe as he turned skeptics into clients using a sales technique called Feel Felt Found. He would tell prospective clients: I know how you Feel, other clients Felt the same way (had similar concerns), but what they Found was….

I learned over the years that everything Arnold did in his professional life was founded on his Christian beliefs. So today, in honor of my friend, we will look at the biblical nature of this tool and how surprisingly useful it can be in potentially contentious conversations.

Feel

We all know, intuitively or from experience, that people yell because they sense no one is listening to them. In a way it’s funny because we also know that communication, the back-and-forth flow of thoughts and ideas, decreases as the volume of a conversation increases.

So how can we turn down the volume? First, let’s not add to the volume and instead “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 NIV

James is telling us to figuratively sit next to, not in front of, the angry person.

Have you noticed how hard it is to yell at someone sitting next to you? By doing this, we take all the fun out of yelling.

Telling a person we know how they feel reassures them that someone is listening. Give those negative emotions enough time to drain and their ears will eventually reconnect to their brains.

Felt

This is when we tell the person that we felt the same way, that we too felt their pain and frustration. It’s called empathy.

Okay, I can hear everyone collectively saying, “What??? How can I say I felt the same way about the vaccine or whatever topic they are mad about. I know how they feel and nope, I have no empathy for them.”

Yes, I know this is hard. But trust me on this and read on.

Our first step to being empathetic is to go into this with the correct goal in mind. Our goal is not to win arguments. Our goal is to love all others as we love ourselves. That said, let’s look at what Paul said.

“Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law, so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law, so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak.

I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 NIV

To win people to Christ, Paul put himself in everyone else’s sandals. He spoke their language, showed care and understanding, had empathy for them. Paul sought and found the common ground amongst them all – the need to hear the Gospel.

Finding that common ground is the key to having empathy for someone with an opposing view.

So, how and where do we find this common ground when the anti-vaccine demonstrators blame the government for stepping on their freedom, and the vaccinated blame the unvaccinated for bringing back restrictions and stepping on their freedom? Their positions are polar opposites.

Our society is very proficient at placing blame. Every wrong needs a home. And we tend to blame those closest by, the ones we can see and touch.

But don’t we know that for the most part, arguing over who is to blame is a fruitless endeavor? That rather than stopping the hurt, it just creates more hurt.

Maybe we shouldn’t be blaming the government for its mandates, or the unvaccinated for their resistance, or even China. Perhaps we could instead search for the common ground we can all agree upon.

As I see it, the common ground, the true reason why both sides are upset is not the actions of the other. The common ground, the enemy we all share, is the virus and the one behind the virus – satan.

That said, do you now feel it’s possible to empathize with the angry fellow sitting next to you? Aren’t we all feeling the same pain?

Found

The final step is to help our new found friend see the way both sides can win.

By fighting for, not against each other.

By working with, not against each other.

That attaining our common goal requires a common resolve. That while we may not agree on ‘how’ to end it, we better our chances of winning, of beating this virus and satan, by working collaboratively, not individually.

A wise man once wrote: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

One final note dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

Because we might be having these challenging conversations with unbelievers, let’s ask Peter to remind us how to best love those who are yelling at us.

To be sympathetic, to love one another, be compassionate and humble, to not repay insult with insult, and finally to seek and pursue peace. Taken from 1 Peter 3:8-11 NIV

In love always,