Dear Family and Friends,

It was upon our return from the mainland that I learned a close relative had left us to be with Jesus – quite suddenly. Two weeks later to the day, I officiated the service. Needless to say, I was still grieving while speaking to the family and friends of someone I knew my entire life.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is, by far, one of the hardest of life’s challenges. Grieving for a loved one is not only natural, it’s essential for our well-being. Even the Bible says mourning is good for our soul. “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart” Ecclesiastes 7:2 

We will again take a short break from our discipleship series. This time it’s to talk about grief, a condition that is silent yet I believe, prevalent in society today. You may not have lost a loved one recently but can I tell you, many of us are grieving without even realizing that we are.

Do you recall the movie Blast From the Past where the lead actor, Brendan Fraser, emerges after living 35 years in a fallout shelter? The world was dramatically different from the frozen-in-time world he was raised in.

Although we haven’t been in lockdown mode for nearly that long, wouldn’t you agree that today’s world is quite different from the world we left behind? 

Almost everywhere we look, almost everything we do – has changed. Carhop services at Zippy’s. Lines to pay for groceries snaking into the aisles. Doctors, dentists, hair stylists, masseuses all wearing face shields. Zooming for work, small groups, classes. Even church has changed. 

These changes weren’t all that hard to take at first, but now we wonder if things will ever return to how it was. For many of us, it’s as if we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. When we look forward, all we see is a blur. When we look back, all we see is what once was…

Will it ever be safe to hug, to see people’s smiles, to travel where we want when we want? Will we ever be able to protect our loved ones, children and elderly parents, without fear? 

We watched in horror as many of the institutions we depend upon – entire industries, hospitals, educational systems and governments – teetered at the edge. Our favorite restaurants and shops closed forever. Now, as things slowly settle down, we start to wonder, what will our future be like?

There have been many, including pastors, who have tried to prepare us for a new normal. But as of this writing, no one has really defined what that new normal will look like. Some have guessed, but to me, a guess is no more than – a guess.

No one can really tell us what our world will look like post this pandemic.

Except God, if He were so inclined. 

With all that said, let’s talk about this silent yet prevalent condition affecting us all. In my funeral message I talked about the stages of grieving – denial, anger, guilt or bargaining, sadness and acceptance.   

Can I share that, in a strange way, the stages of grief are very similar to how we are feeling today. But instead of the loss of a loved one, we are grieving the loss of yesteryear’s life. 

For example, are you holding on to the hope that everything will go back to how it once was? If so, you may be in denial.

You already know how frustrated I get with those who flaunt masks (and other health measures) meant to get us back to normalcy quicker. Do they frustrate you as well? Rising gun violence is not the only manifestation of anger in those grieving the loss of their past, it’s just the most visible.

Many feel guilt when a loved one is lost, taking it upon themselves that more could have been done.

However, when it comes to the loss of the past, people are not accepting blame. They are instead searching for someone to blame.

Unfortunately, Asians across America have been unfairly declared guilty for the losses of those grieving their past. We may be safe in Hawaii, but I must admit it is a little scary on the mainland.

One tell-tale sign of sadness is feeling sad but not knowing why. Another is a decrease in interest to socialize. Loss of energy, anxiousness, irritability, and lacking concentration are other signs to watch for. You may feel at peace but you just can’t seem to find the joy you once had. I suspect the majority of those who grieve may be in this sadness stage of grief.

If any of these describe how you are feeling, you may be grieving, just like me. 

Let me stop here and say, if you are feeling more than sadness please check for other signs of depression and consider seeking professional help.

The scriptures have quite a bit to say about dealing with grief, too much to absorb from one email. So next week we will look at a few lessons from the Bible to help us grieve. One story we will examine is of someone who lost way more than we have, Job.

Allow me to leave us with these thoughts for our week.

First, let’s spend some quiet time in prayer, and in self-reflection by asking ourselves tough questions about how we really feel:

  • Am I upset that the world has changed or flustered with some of the changes I am seeing?
  • Am I bothered by people whose inactions will only prolong our return to normalcy?  
  • Why am I not my cheerful self anymore? What happened to my joyful disposition? 
  • Why do I just want to stay home and do nothing, just as I’ve done this whole past year? 

No one is looking so let’s be honest with ourselves.

Recognition of our condition is always a good first step.

Second, if you feel you may be grieving, let me just say that it’s okay to grieve. Grieving is not only natural but essential when we lose someone or something, whether it be a loved one, a job, and yes, our past lives.

King David grieved and cried – a lot. So did Jesus. It says, “Jesus wept” in John 11:35.

But Jesus wasn’t weeping for Lazarus like everyone else. Jesus felt compassion for Mary, Martha and the others and shared in their grief. Jesus wept for His friends.

Please know that God feels the same way for us. He shares in our pain and our suffering, and He weeps for us today as well.

In love always,